Internal Struggle

One, two, three…

I try to block the flooding thoughts in my mind by counting the lonely stars that didn’t shy away from Manila’s pollution. I can only see part of the night sky through my small, window.. but it’s good enough.

four, five…

I’ve always loved looking at the sky, especially at night. There’s just something surreal about it… Like a majestic painting covering the whole world. The stars, although few, struggling to show their brightness…

You’ll shine brighter than those stars. she says.

I shake her voice away. Apparently star gazing isn’t really working well for me right now. I keep hearing her voice. Her rebukes. I won’t be able to block them no matter how hard I try.

She was always the smarter one compared to me. I had come to terms with that after countless arguments in which I always lose. She’s also the mature one. Despite knowing these, I still don’t know why I don’t listen to her.

You have great potential, Callista. I hear her say.

Great. here she goes again.

You do realize that you’re trying to ignore me because you can see that I’m right? I can imagine her smirk.

Stop. Please. I begged. I really don’t want this right now.

She ignores my request. You know what you lack. You know what is stopping you from your destiny.

Yes. I know. I weakly admitted. I didn’t want to argue anymore. Partly because I was tired of it, but most of all, what she said was true. I’d known all along.

But I don’t know how to deal with it! I nearly shouted, but it came more of a hiss. You’re the smart one, so tell me. How? How can I shine brighter than the stars when I don’t even have light?

I waited.

I thought I had rendered her speechless, but a few moments later says, It’s not that you don’t know.. You are too contented in staying in your comfort zone. You don’t want to leave.

Go in an adventure. Find your passion. 

Don’t let it get to the point where you’ll regret all the wasted time.

Don’t worry about what people are gonna say.

It’s your life to live. 

I know it’s easier said than done… but at least try.

****** ****** ******

I suck at endings.

Yeah I know this is super random, but I had to get this out of my drafts. I created this a loooooong time ago for my creative writing class but for some reason I just hid it to be forgotten. I just felt like posting it today. Hope you don’t hate it! haha


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